(The formatting is weird because my parents have Word 2003. Also, I’m not in a proofreading mood. Sorry.) I’m supposed to be sleeping right now...obviously, that isn’t happening. Instead I’m sitting in front of my parents’ computer hoping that if I can just find the words to express all of my thoughts then that will silence them for an hour or two so that I can rest.
I heard a sermon on doubt this past Sunday. The pastor talked about Thomas and the Disciples and Moses and the Hebrews and Gideon and David and how they questioned GOD so much, and instead of getting angry or upset that they didn’t believe His promises, GOD met their doubts. GOD confronted their unbelief and then showered them with grace and encouragement and comfort.
I have doubts. I have insecurities. I have unanswered questions. But at the end of the day, all the doubt and the worry and the questions are meaningless. They leave me broken and empty.
GOD is working in my life right now. A lot. But He isn’t doing what I want Him to. I want Him to answer my questions. Instead He leaves them unanswered and throws a few more my way. I want Him to make me feel whole and complete and healed. Instead, He is breaking me. I want Him to show me the future that He has for me. Instead, He is hiding even the immediate future from me, namely, tomorrow.
But there is a reason that He is working this way. I don’t know it, but He does and that’s enough. I heard a Paul Washer sermon a couple weeks ago that was actually talking about Hell, but something he said really stuck with me and I’ve been hearing it in my head over and over these past few days, “Repent and believe because He is worthy.” I like this, because it takes me out of the picture. It’s not, “Repent and believe because you will feel better.” It’s not, “Repent and believe because then you will look like a good Christian.” It’s, “Repent and believe because He is worthy.”
In Mark 9:14-29, Mark tells the story of how Jesus healed a Demon possessed boy. The father of the boy begs Jesus to have compassion and heal his child. And Jesus responds with “All things are possible for one who believes.” The father’s response is what gets me though. He says, “I believe; help my unbelief!” I heard those words spoken on Sunday and they have been my prayer since then.
GOD is enough. He is sovereign and full of grace, compassion and love. He is carrying me right now through this season of doubt and unbelief. He is worthy and He is good. And this is just a season. Seasons change.
“Who is a GOD like You, pardoning iniquity and passing over transgression for the remnant of His inheritance? He does not retain His anger forever, because He delights in steadfast love. He will again have compassion on us; He will tread out iniquities underfoot. You will cast all our sins into the depths of the sea. You will show faithfulness to Jacob and steadfast love to Abraham, as you have sworn to our fathers from the days of old.” Micah 7:18-20
