The title is a bit of a misnomer. Okay so it’s more than that. Anyone who’s ever met me knows that I am not a perfect person. Anyone who’s ever lived with me knows that I am the farthest thing from a perfect person (particularly when I haven’t slept enough). I aspire to someday be perfect, but I know that that day will never come while I’m here on earth.
Some days however, I live as if that title were true. I go about my nicely organized little life acting as if I am the epitome of perfection and contentment. Those are the days when I don’t need GOD (or so I think). It’s so easy to get caught up in how wonderful I am!
Part of the reason that I have those days is that I know my life isn’t wonderful. Even though I love English, my vocabulary isn’t perfect (I’m sitting here looking up words in my dictionary as I write). I make plans with people and then break them at the last minute. Instead of going to the gym when I should, I sit on my couch and watch TV and eat twix, twinkies, and reeses. I hold onto petty jealousies and grudges. I say one thing and do another. I don’t spend enough time with GOD (Although can anyone spend enough time with the star breathing, cross bearing, trustworthy LORD?). And there are more flaws…these are just the most recent.
Even though my faults are rather obvious to anyone who’s ever spoken to me, I still try to hide them. I don’t want people to know when I don’t know or understand something. I don’t want anyone to see the pride or the resentment that I harbor. I want them to see what’s good and impressive about me. And that’s when I turn into Little Miss Perfect. Suddenly, there is nothing wrong in my life and no one could ever aspire to be as wise and righteous as me.
The ironic thing is that anything that’s good about me that people see isn’t me. It’s Christ. He is my righteousness. He is my wisdom. He is my knowledge. He provides the strength and peace that get me through life. On those days when I think of myself as self-sufficient and independent of everyone (including GOD), I always seem to get into the biggest scrapes. Those are the days when I lose my keys. Those are the days when I don’t do well on the quiz that I spent hours studying for. Those are the days when I find out that something big has gone wrong at financial aid. Those are the days when I am confronted with my insufficiency.
Today, I had one of “those days”. I won’t bore you with the details; just know that for some reason I felt superior to everyone today. I don’t know if my actions or speech reflected that, but I know my thoughts did.
And then I went to chapel, where GOD used several things to smash my heart into pieces. The first was something I had written at the top of a random page in my Bible. I don’t remember who said it or when, but what I had written was this: “Holiness doesn’t come from an outward obedience of rules”. I felt like GOD had taken a chisel to my stone cold heart and chipped out a piece of me. I sat in my seat mentally replaying the ways I had recently obeyed the LORD in my actions, but not in my thoughts.
However, He proceeded to desecrate the rest of the rock formerly known as my heart. One of the first things out of the speaker’s mouth was, “Get your head on straight”. (I almost tuned him out in fear of another sports analogy. However, he soon redeemed himself.) He spoke on the passage of Mark 8:31-38, where Peter rebukes Jesus for His teachings, and Jesus says, “Get behind me Satan! For you are not setting your mind on the things of God, but on the things of man.” (OUCH!) There was much more to his message and he used other passages, but that first part was what hurt. Why can’t I seem to “Get my head on straight?” Why do I set my mind on the things of man and not the things of GOD? Why do I try so hard to maintain an appearance of perfection when I know that only through Christ’s blood can I be perfected?
Because I’m human. And my understanding of Christ’s blood and the grace of the Father will be tainted with a mortal perspective till the day I die. Until then however, I have this:
‘My grace is sufficient in you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. Galatians 12:9-10
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