Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Confession: I cling to cacti.

Somehow I got this idea that when someone hurts me, I should chew on what they did to me for a really long time. Then when all the flavor is gone, I put what happened on a shelf and stare at it every night before I go to bed. That way I never forget whatever lesson it is that I think I learned about life from whatever situation I can’t let go of. This is obviously not a good way to live. In fact, it’s kind of a sucky way to live. (And yes I had to add sucky to my dictionary so that spell check wouldn’t alert me that I had a word that wasn’t a real word in this post. And yes it pained me to use slang in a post.)
The funny thing about bitterness is that eventually I get bitter about being bitter. I feel like it’s so and so’s fault that I’m bitter towards them, and I resent them for making me sin. One day the irony of it struck me: the people who hurt me in the past have no clue that I’m still holding it against them. I’m the only person who knows that I can’t let what they did go; I’m the only person I’m hurting. Bitterness is like a cactus. The closer I hold it to me the more it hurts and the harder it is to let go because it’s pinned to me with little needles that are buried in my skin.
The good news is that there is a happy ending to this little tale in sight. GOD’s grace. He’s working on my current bitterness situation, and I know that He will carry me through the future situations that my sin nature will inevitably create. Thank GOD that someday I won’t have to deal with this stuff.

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