Love in Spite of Me

I have skewed view of love. I’ve always known this and I’ve tried to reconcile it several times, but my feeble attempts have always fallen ridiculously short. With Christmas less than a week away, I find myself re-evaluating my perspective on love yet again.

I used to think that love was red roses. I used to think that love was an expensive piece of jewelry, preferably a ring, but anything cut it. I used to think love was acclamation and popularity. I used to think that love was sometimes dishonest because it was more about feeling good than doing good. I used to think that love would come to me eventually if I waited long enough and if I obeyed GOD enough.

This past month, the LORD gave me a new perspective on love. Love is when my mom tells me about someone in need and tears come to her eyes as she expresses her wish to do more than she already has to show them the LORD. Love is a smile of encouragement. Love is a prayer of intercession. Love is unselfish. Love is here and now. Love is a choice.

The ultimate example of love is when GOD, the star-breathing creator of the universe, becomes a child; a humble, poor child. Love is when that child becomes a man who’s given an unfair trial; tortured without the protection of a constitution that prevents cruel and unusual punishment to the point that instead of a man, people see a mass of torn skin and blood who’s then nailed NAILED to a tree, naked for all the world to see and mock. Love is when that same man accomplishes what no one else ever has or will: perfection in EVERYTHING. He never thought an unkind or unmerciful thought. He never told GOD that He was making a mistake. He never dishonored His parents. He never accidently said a bad word when he hit his thumb with a hammer. He was never cynical or negative. He loved others. He served others. When people made fun of Him for being the bastard son of Mary, He accepted the humiliation without retaliation. Even though He was perfect, He was never prideful about it. Even in death, He did not sin. Even when He was cut off from His Father, He remained without sin. The only sin He ever endured was that of the world. It wasn’t His own. He didn’t have to accept the punishment for it. Jesus chose to die for our sin out of love.

Now that I’ve worked myself into a small fit of tears, all I can think about is how I don’t deserve that love. I’ve broken every commandment He ever gave me. I’ve worshipped idols. I’ve stolen things that weren’t mine. I’ve told lies and spoken shameful words. I’ve thought things so awful that I can barely admit them to myself. And yet, somehow in His awesome power, GOD loves me. He daily pours out His grace on me. He has forgiven every evil thing I’ve said or done or thought through what Jesus did on the cross. He made a way for me to be His child by sacrificing His only child. The Autumn Film expresses it best in their song, This is Love, with the words, “This is love, that you still love me in spite of me”. This Christmas, all that I want is a deeper understanding of that love.