Lately I've kind of been feeling separated from GOD. Not separated in the sense of I can't find Him, but separated in the sense of I've chosen not to let Him find me.
Kind of like what couples who want to get a divorce do...they say, "Maybe we should try it apart for a few months, just to see if we like it..."
It goes back to the whole balance thing for me...I've never seemed to be able to find the place in life where I am fully resting in Christ's grace while simultaneously relying on the strength of the Holy Spirit.
There are two extremes when it comes to my faith and neither is pretty. Sometimes I find myself legalistically trying my hardest to be completely perfect...and I end up broken and dissillusioned because shockingly enough perfection is unattainable. Or at other times I give in to grace and I just fall back on Christ...and then I end up broken and dissappointed because instead of cherishing grace I've used it as a crutch to excuse habitual sin.
As Dr. Seuss says, "Remember, life's a great balancing act."
So because I got tired of seeking out balance in my faith I just kind of let things slide. Rather than going to the LORD and trying to work these things out with Him, I asked Him for a separation. I mean, I didn't literally ask Him, but my inaction was itself an action. I made a choice not to choose. Not to choose to fix things. Not to choose Him.
Bad choice...
I don't really have much to say other than that I'm about to go beg Him for forgivenss and ask Him to take me back. And I know He will. And I know that He'll understand that this separation was just a mistake on my part...that I don't really want to divorce Him. And I know He will ignore the fact that I've taken advantage of Him and used Him. Actually, He won't ignore it...He'll acknowledge it, and then He'll forgive it.
Because that's just who He is.
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