Lately my life has been a whirlwind of homework and tests and friendships and work and planning for spring break and summer and a new semester and dealing with my fears and my insecurities and my pride. It’s been crazy. I feel like I’m going crazy. I kind of feel like this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=elsh3J5lJ6g. (Sorry that the video is so weird...I really like the song though!)
Earlier my mind decided that it had had enough. So I went stargazing and listened to The Fray. As I lay there looking up at the glory displayed by GOD in His creation, I realized how much I want to be with Him and not here.
I get so caught up by this world. There are so many places I want to go and things I want to do with my life. I have so many hopes and dreams and expectations for the future. But this is temporary. One hundred years from now, temporal things won’t matter to me anymore, because I won’t be here. One day I won’t be here. That’s such a strange thought for me.
However, right now, I am here. So how do I reconcile all of this? How do I be here and think about there? For that matter, how do I not get so focused on Heaven that I forget that here and now matters too? I suppose it’s another quest for balance. Balance is a big deal for me. It seems like every problem in my life could be solved if I just found the right balance.
And so, here I am, more than a little overwhelmed by life and the future and the LORD. I think I know how David felt when he said, “Oh that I had wings like a dove! I would fly away and be at rest; yes, I would wander far away; I would lodge in the wilderness; I would hurry to find a shelter from the raging wind and tempest.”
Last August, I prayed that the LORD would change my heart. I prayed that He would make me into the woman He desires me to be. I guess I thought that one day I would just wake up and be that woman. Sadly, that is not the case. I do think that the LORD is using all of this craziness to bring me closer to being her though.
This is a really encouraging post rach! But the whole time you were writing about balance I kept thinking about something uncle Bob said in sunday school last week, "never let anyone say 'your so heavenly mindset your of no earthly good,' cause the truth is the more heavenly mindset you are the more earthly good you'll be!" so good!
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