More Thoughts While On Spring Break

Spring Break is almost over. I’m packing to go back to school. Rather, I’m procrastinating and writing this post instead of packing to go back to school. It’s amazing how lazy a week of lying around reading novels, drinking tea (I quit coffee...) and surfing the internet can make you.

One of my random projects this week was to go through all my old CD’s and put the ones that I’d been wanting to listen to on my iPod. I found Kelly Clarkson’s album, Breakaway and I have been listening to it over and over. I forgot how angsty it is! (Yes, angsty is not a real word.) Anyways, I’ve been running around singing her songs and remembering (and laughing about) all the boys I used to sing those songs about. Comedic distance is a very good thing.

I had never really paid attention to the words before, even though I’m still able to sing every single line perfectly and in harmony. It’s so funny how much words mean...even when we don’t think about them...especially when we don’t think about them. Now I can look back and see how the words I used to sing unthinkingly warped my views on myself and the things that I thought I wanted and deserved. I see how those words taught me that it’s okay to take and take and take and never give anything back when it comes to the people around you. I had been thinking a lot about my tendency to suck the life out of my friendships with my selfishness anyways, and singing Kelly Clarkson really brought it to light.

It’s so easy to take my petty hurts and needs and turn them into a big deal. It’s so easy to get trapped in the thinking that I’m the only person who deals with being hurt or who feels like I never get what I deserve. It’s even easier to expect the people around me to listen to me and cater to me and make me feel better about myself and allow me to give nothing in return.

But the truth is, there are a lot worse things out there than getting a C on a test or being confused about where my life is going or quitting coffee, and wallowing in self-pity doesn’t help...in fact it makes things seem even worse! Thank goodness for grace. And thank goodness for a GOD who gives it. I’m so glad that He gives me second chances...and third...and fourth...and fifth...and sixth...and seventh...