Lately I've been noticing something about myself: I mess up at the same things over and over again. As I look back over my (almost!) 19 years of life, there's a definite pattern to my failings and shortcomings. I do the same stupid stuff time after time after time after time after time...And honestly, this makes me angry. Not just at myself, but at GOD too. I don't understand how He could allow me to struggle with the same things all the time. I want Him to take away all of the temptations that surround me and make my life easy. Or at least allow me to struggle with different things throughout my life so that I can look back over my life and point to a sin and say, "There. That one was a huge problem for me once, but now I've grown up and now I've conquered it and now I don't struggle with it anymore."
These were my disheartening thoughts as I lay in bed and read Mark last night. Mark 8, to be specific. And this was one of the first things I read: "I have compassion on the crowd, because they have been with me now three days and have nothing to eat. And if I send them away hungry to their homes, they will faint on the way." (vs. 2-3) The story then goes on to describe how Jesus fed the crowd with seven loaves and a few small fish and then there were leftovers.
Honestly, I've heard this story so many times it's ridiculous. And at some point in my life I stopped being impressed and instead I rolled my eyes and thought, "Whoopee...fish and bread...I like bread...I wonder what's for lunch."
But last night was different. This time, something else caught my attention: Jesus' words before He fed the crowd. He spoke of wanting to feed them because He had compassion on them.
And as I sat there reading, I heard Him speak to me, "I have compassion on you. I understand your struggles and your desire for sin. I know how it feels to want to do the wrong thing. And if I could miraculously provide food for all of those people, don't you think I can provide spiritual food for you? Don't you trust me to sustain you through your struggles?"
This is so good Rachel! Very encouraging =) And the older I get the more I see that it's really my sins all stem from the same root problems and I easily get frustrated that so little has changed.Thanks for posting this!
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