So about five minutes ago I had a revelation. Not a revelation in the St. John of the Bible sense, but a somewhat staggering (for me, at least) revelation nonetheless.
I was washing my face and complaining to GOD about how I feel like He's never around anymore when I realized what (so far) the single biggest thing that keeps me from enjoying GOD is: His lack of tangibility.
Lately it's been really bothering me that I have a lot less trouble loving people (who are imperfect) than I do GOD (who is perfect). It's one of those paradoxes that's always bothered me because GOD deserves my all and I refuse to give it to Him. Instead I devote my time, my thoughts, my energy, and my money to the people and places and things of this world - the imperfect people and places and things of this world.
I guess this means I'm an idolater. Sort of.
My problem is that I can't touch or see or hear GOD. Not in the sense I want to, at least. I'm definitely one of those "seeing is believing" people, so the ability to have a tangible GOD is something I crave. But for now, at least, GOD isn't that way. He's invisible. He's silent. And I have to learn to love and trust Him in spite of that.
So anyways, in saying all this I'm not meaning to blame GOD for my own apathy, I guess it's just one of those things that GOD wants me to be aware of so that when I find myself slipping into idolatry I can refocus myself and worship GOD regardless of whether or not I can see, hear, or touch Him.
Also, I would like to mention that while I was washing my face a mole literally fell off of it. I almost cried because it's my favorite one. I was going to try placing it back on and saying a prayer that it would stick, but it got washed down the sink before I could do so.
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