Confession: I wrote this when I was supposed to be practicing the piano.

Right now I’m sitting in front of a piano. I’m obviously not playing it even though that’s what I’m supposed to be doing. I have been practicing for two hours, and five minutes ago my mind decided that it was tired of reading music. I tried to force it to pay attention, but that made it even more rebellious and I found myself banging out the same note over and over, while staring at the wall. There are these little holes in the walls of the practice rooms here, and if you stare at them long enough they look really trippy.

So anyways...I’ve been thinking lately about the things that I waste my time worrying about. One of my favorite C.S. Lewis quotes is about how we spend so much of our lives doing things we shouldn’t be and don’t even like doing. For me, one of those things is worrying, especially right before I fall asleep. I don’t know why exactly (most likely it’s the perfectionist in me), but for some reason every night before I fall asleep I plan out the next day. This leads to a lot of worry on my part, particularly when the next day holds a lot of unknown things. Lately however, I’ve been trying to dwell on thoughts of the LORD instead of thoughts of the future. Whenever I read the Psalms I look for verses about GOD providing sleep and I write them on sticky notes and put them next to my bed. My favorite is “I lay down and slept; I woke again, for the Lord sustained me”. I also really like, “For the LORD gives His beloved sleep”.

The LORD is my sustenance. Sitting around worrying about all the things I feel like I need to get done or all the circumstances I feel like I can’t control has no effect on anything but my mental health (and let’s face it, that needs all the help it can get). GOD knows the future, and He’s in control (I’m really glad about that too, because I would hate to think that everything is random...that would drive me insane.).

And so, I think my mind has had enough of its fill of thoughts and words, and just maybe it will let me actually get through a song now. I would cross my fingers, but that’s kind of hard to do when you play the piano.