I give up.

I’ve been having these moments lately where I every time I read a book or look at a painting or listen to a song I seem to find a piece of myself. You know about some of them if you’re a regular reader here. (If not, you can catch up here and here.) Anyways, it happened again with this song. I’m not a big crier, but this one brought me pretty close to it. The graphics are a little strange (although they made me laugh), but the song is really, really good. 

There are so many things that I worry about and waste energy and mind space obsessing over. But honestly it doesn’t do me any good; at all. I have been checking my mailbox every day, three times a day for a scholarship letter that was supposed to come three weeks ago. A sane person would realize that they didn’t get the scholarship and give up on the letter coming and move on and be okay with it. I chose to pretend that it got lost in the mail and would come eventually if I checked my mailbox often enough.

I have so many questions that I want answered; questions for GOD, for the people around me, for myself. I feel like I am constantly thinking, if not saying, ‘What if?’ or ‘How do you know?’ or ‘Why?’.

But living that way doesn’t work. It’s okay to have questions, and it’s okay to be uncertain. But it’s not okay to obsess over things because I can’t understand or control them. So I’ve decided to start giving up.