Confession...

So I have a confession...confession is good for the soul and it always makes me feel better...but honestly, I'm more ashamed of this one than usual.

My heart is not right. I really, really hate admitting this.

I hate admitting it because I can't pinpoint the reason that it isn't right. I can't sit and reflect and come up with some solution for making things better. Honestly, I kind of feel like GOD might be letting me stumble around solution-less to force me to go to Him in search of healing. I like DIY's...I want to be able to fix myself...but right now I can't, because I can't even figure out what's wrong.

I've been feeling this way for a week or two now, but last night it came to a head. I had originally figured that if I gave myself time I would be able to figure out what was going on. The problem with that plan wass that I just couldn't seem to find time to reflect on what was going on. Eventually it got to the point where I started giving myself things to do so that I wouldn't have to think about what was going on. I kept myself busy so that I wouldn't have to confront the hardness of my heart.

I think GOD had enough of that last night. As soon as I finished classes, I started to feel awful. I had planned on working on one of my ten million projects last night, but instead I found myself lying in my bed staring at the ceiling for most of the evening and night. I tried really hard to work on other stuff, but eventually I just gave in and laid there.

GOD and I talked a lot. Actually, He talked and I listened. Honestly, I'm still not really sure what's wrong with my heart, but He knows and that's enough. He knows and He's going to fix it and that's more than enough.